There’s more to life than morphine

Small moments landscape

It was in those early few days of returning home from the hospital, and going about the slow business of recovering that it dawned on me.

I’m still here. I keep waking up, day after day. I keep living.

That’s not something that happens by accident. We’re not here to be dead weight, just tread water until one day we’re gone. There’s a purpose to it all.

 

Starting over

That’s a very dramatic way to welcome you back to my blog. It’s been with a heavy heart that I’ve been unable to write over these last few months. I’ve been suffering from a severe form of an illness that took my life apart piece by piece. I stopped working, stopped exercising, stopped socialising. I ceased to be all the people that I’ve cherished being- wife, mum, daughter, friend, writer. I sat in my house for seven months waiting for the pain to stop. Waiting to live again.

“In four weeks you’ll feel better”

“The operation will give you back some quality of life”

Well, two operations, many drugs and seven months later, I’m still on the road to recovery, and there’s a fair distance to go.

But I’ve made a decision. I’m not going to wait any more. I’m getting on with my life. Because in life- in all of our lives, there are no quick fixes to our dramas. Problems surround us.

Broken marriages

Bodies that don’t work as they should

Children living in squalid conditions in refugee camps

Governments bankrupt of money and sense

Cancer

 

Make a different kind of list

But you know where the hope lies? It lies in the many little things that fill our lives. The small moments. No, there are no quick fixes, and we certainly need to find answers to the bigger problems. Cancer ain’t going away. There’s no short term solution to the migrant crisis. As for me, well I face the prospect of yet more pain and more drugs until I can be free of this illness.

The recent operation I had, and the weeks that followed it have taught me to live in the smaller moments. As a good friend of mine says “Today is ok. I can do today.”

In the hospital there was morphine to dull the pain- thank God for it. In life, what dulls the pain?

God’s embrace

My husband’s unconditional love

My daughter

That my parents are still alive

Friends who just ‘know’

Writing that unlocks my soul

Losing myself in a delicious night’s sleep

The first taste of the cheesecake

 

Next steps

That’s my list. Now make yours. As the saying goes, one day, we’ll look back on life and realise that it was the little moments that really mattered and made our lives what they are.

I hope you’ll join me as I begin again. I don’t know how often I’ll be able to post while I’m recovering but I aim to try. You can expect to see much of what you guys have told me you love about my blog: my take on cross-cultural life, opinion pieces on current affairs, media reviews. There’ll be new stuff too, because I’ve changed in the time I’ve been away.

It’s a kind of watch-this-space type scenario.

In the meantime, what are you waiting for? Start writing your list….(and feel free to share it below.)

 

P.s. It’s good to be back! x

 

If you’re new here, why not stay and look around? Here’s some of my most popular posts to get you started:

Rape is not just India’s problem

No Country for White Men

An Interview with Gurinder Chada

 

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12 thoughts on “There’s more to life than morphine

  1. So good to have you back, I kept wondering where you went! Wishing you the best of health. I hope you recover soon, steadily, and are blessed with health. Sending you much love, from a stranger on the internet.

  2. Very well said. Hope you are getting better even as you write this! I haven’t been writing as much as I should, not due to physical illness, but just going through life’s difficulties…but it does help to remember and count the blessings!

    • Thank you. Feeling better mentally helps me feel better physically- it’s a cliche but I’d say its true, especially when it comes to a chronic illness like mine. Sorry to hear you’re going through tough times. I’ve read so much about how indulging in your creative passion is therapy in itself. I’d recommend it. All the best x

  3. I missed reading your blogs! Was feeling low then I read this….reciting my little list in my head before I go to bed. Sending you lots of love and best wishes xx Kam xx

    • Ah thank you Kam! So nice to hear from you 🙂 I hope your list helped you last night. You’ve got so many exciting times ahead of you and lots of big changes, I’m sure it feels overwhelming some times. I have often felt completely overwhelmed with my situation over the last few months. Taking tiny bite sized pieces of life and focusing on that alone helps. Sending you a hug and lots of love xxx

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