Is this the end of interfaith marriage?

Closeup of holding hands of stylish wedding couple. Mixed race.

It would be easy to think that the British Asian community is becoming more open to the idea of interfaith and mixed race marriages. We’ve all seen the photos on Facebook of a couple doing the ‘dual ceremony thing’: the Indian wedding where one white face is wearing the traditional Indian wedding- getup amongst a sea of Asian family; and conversely, the civil or Church ceremony performed for the English side of the family.

The sad truth though is that young British Asians choosing to marry outside of the community are facing a renewed backlash- and it would seem that the subject is still as taboo as ever amongst Asians. In particular, religious hardliners and religious leaders are taking a stand against interfaith couples who want to have a religious wedding ceremony.

The most notable occurrence of this has been within the British Sikh community. Hardline Sikh groups are vehemently opposing Gurdwaras (Sikh temples) performing the traditional marriage ceremony known as the anand karaj unless the couple are both Sikhs. Protestors have even gone to the lengths of barricading themselves inside Gurdwaras to stop ceremonies taking place, and the homes of inter-faith couples have been attacked. Victims of these attacks have been too afraid to speak to the media for fear of further reprisals.  In response, the Sikh Council UK has just published guidelines for Gurdwaras, reiterating that the anand karaj is strictly reserved for two practising Sikhs.

This new wave of violent persecution amongst British Sikhs is a relatively new phenomenon. But elsewhere in the community British Asians are familiar with the barriers that an inter-faith couple faces: Islam has strict religious laws on marrying outside of the faith, as have some sections of Christianity. Couples who do go down this road face excommunication and often live in isolation of their Asian family.

Certainly in the case of the Sikh community, extremists are arguing that a religious wedding ceremony is null and void unless the faith is shared by the couple. If that’s true, does that mean that the union itself is not legitimate in the eyes of the faith? Would the couple be welcome in the place of worship- or would the ‘believing’ partner be expected to worship there alone? What about when children are born- how would the couple raise them within the faith if religious leaders apparently don’t recognise the marriage in the first place?

Traditionally within our culture, marriage has been a union which preserves wealth, status, where relevant caste, and of course religious identity. With many British Asians now choosing to marry outside of these bounds, extremists are arguing that these elements of our culture are being eroded, even destroyed.  How long will an inter-faith couple persevere with religion if all they get is judgement from the community?

One of two things could happen here: either young British Asians will choose love over faith and move away from religion altogether- which clearly religious leaders don’t want; or they will reject mixed marriages for the sake of their religion and to maintain links within the community and family.

The latter scenario isn’t as unlikely as you might think. Dating sites exclusive to individual religions are swiftly gaining in popularity. Many young Asian daters are becoming more specific in wanting to meet someone from within their own religion.

Sharn Khaira founded the online dating site Indian Connect for this very reason. The site is targeted exclusively at Sikhs and Hindus with an empathy for traditional marriage and culture. It is also carefully monitored to ensure only people living in UK can join. The site clocked up more 30,000 paid subscribers in less than a year. Sharn says: “I’m starting to see young British Asians move away from interfaith marriage because of the heartache and potential damage it can cause to families, not to mention the wider Asian community in their local area. So many now want to keep their culture and heritage in-tact”

I think it will take a generation before we really see the working-out of the issues involved in interfaith marriage. But I do believe where many before used the new found freedom in society at large to marry outside of traditional bounds, others are now holding back as they look at the repercussions.

Or will it be a case of love triumphing over religion and culture? It’s an aspect of our community that is worth watching to find out.

 

You might also like “Are interfaith marriages a mission impossible?”

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8 thoughts on “Is this the end of interfaith marriage?

    • Yeh I was a little surprised too to be honest. I thought things would become more liberal but I think the extremism is a backlash against the trend of marrying out of the community. I think preserving heritage & identity is becoming more & more important to British Asians.

  1. Thanks for sharing this post. This is a topic so close to my heart. Like we talked before, it’s always going to be a 50/50 debate. There are people who are so against it as they want to preserve their religion and not upset their family which is understandable.

    On the other hand there are those who have no problem with interfaith marriages. They fall in love with the other person for that person, not because they are the same religion.

    And then there are the extremists who just ruin things for everyone anyway!

    I’m 100% pro interfaith marriages hence the reason I set up my interfaith wedding blog. I think it’s okay to have your opinion but as long as you are respectful with it and to those whose opinions are different from yours. Because I still respect the opinions of those who disagree with me 🙂

    • Thanks for sharing your thoughts Raj.

      I think the problems come when you have two very devout people on very separate paths. For example, both Islam & Christianity teach there is only one way to God and leaves no room for any compromise. I know there are those who still make this kind of marriage work and it does depend on personality types to some extent. In other cases I’ve heard of people who have felt very isolated in the marriage, practising and worshipping alone.

      I personally don’t have a problem with two people who choose to have an interfaith marriage- obviously it’s entirely their choice, and as with any of us, their responsibility to make their marriage work. They just have different challenges to accommodate, that’s all.

      It’s just a shame that extremists etc are now taking matters into their own hands and placing an extra barrier in their way. If two people want to embrace their faith- particularly the non-believing partner, then it’s sad that hardliners are opposing them.

      Love your blog- it’s great to have more voices of diversity like yours out there 🙂

      xx

  2. This was a great read. With most Asian its all about religion even more so then ethnicity and its all about keeping the family happy and to be respected in society, Its not just interfaith marriages but also interracial marriages that are looked down upon and Asian girls get the most stick for it, the double standards and discrimination that Asian girls face when marrying outside race and religion is still active.

  3. Pingback: No Country for White Men | British Asian Woman

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