I’m just not a very good mum

That’s something I often feel at the end of a difficult day with my strong-willed toddler; it’s something that I often hear from friends who also have children.

This universally held sentiment binds all mums everywhere doesn’t it?

And you know what, that’s massively comforting. Because if we all feel the same, then we are all in it together. The mum that we look at enviously because “she has an easy baby”; the child who slept through the night at two months or whatever, is really the odd one, (or just lucky) because lets face it, looking after small children has got to be one of the most difficult experiences we will ever have.

I was utterly miserable for about the first four months of my daughter’s life- sleep deprived and hormonal. I felt like I was living in someone else’s body and everything around me including our home, which had been taken over by this tiny person and all her stuff, felt completely alien to me. I wish I had been happier and enjoyed those early moments with her, but I simply wasn’t because guess what, being a mum is hard, even gruelling sometimes.

So I think it’s time we stop judging ourselves. Instead we should know and except with all our hearts that we are the very best mums for the children we have.

And, let me just shoe-horn this next bit in for good measure; as Asian mums we face a certain amount of pressure- cultural expectations- to raise our children a certain way. Obviously this is true for many cultures, but lets face it, every aunty-ji has some opinion on what age our kids should have been potty trained, when we should have another one, and well, the list goes on. Aaarggh!! As if being a mum isn’t hard enough without all that extra undue pressure!

So let’s take a deep breath. Throw out the thoughts of “I’m just not very good….” and instead say “I will simply try again tomorrow”.


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