It was in those early few days of returning home from the hospital, and going about the slow business of recovering that it dawned on me.
I’m still here. I keep waking up, day after day. I keep living.
That’s not something that happens by accident. We’re not here to be dead weight, just tread water until one day we’re gone. There’s a purpose to it all.
That’s a very dramatic way to welcome you back to my blog. It’s been with a heavy heart that I’ve been unable to write over these last few months. I’ve been suffering from a severe form of an illness that took my life apart piece by piece. I stopped working, stopped exercising, stopped socialising. I ceased to be all the people that I’ve cherished being- wife, mum, daughter, friend, writer. I sat in my house for seven months waiting for the pain to stop. Waiting to live again.
“In four weeks you’ll feel better”
“The operation will give you back some quality of life”
Well, two operations, many drugs and seven months later, I’m still on the road to recovery, and there’s a fair distance to go.
But I’ve made a decision. I’m not going to wait any more. I’m getting on with my life. Because in life- in all of our lives, there are no quick fixes to our dramas. Problems surround us.
Bodies that don’t work as they should
Children living in squalid conditions in refugee camps
Governments bankrupt of money and sense
Make a different kind of list
But you know where the hope lies? It lies in the many little things that fill our lives. The small moments. No, there are no quick fixes, and we certainly need to find answers to the bigger problems. Cancer ain’t going away. There’s no short term solution to the migrant crisis. As for me, well I face the prospect of yet more pain and more drugs until I can be free of this illness.
The recent operation I had, and the weeks that followed it have taught me to live in the smaller moments. As a good friend of mine says “Today is ok. I can do today.”
In the hospital there was morphine to dull the pain- thank God for it. In life, what dulls the pain?
My husband’s unconditional love
That my parents are still alive
Friends who just ‘know’
Writing that unlocks my soul
Losing myself in a delicious night’s sleep
The first taste of the cheesecake
That’s my list. Now make yours. As the saying goes, one day, we’ll look back on life and realise that it was the little moments that really mattered and made our lives what they are.
I hope you’ll join me as I begin again. I don’t know how often I’ll be able to post while I’m recovering but I aim to try. You can expect to see much of what you guys have told me you love about my blog: my take on cross-cultural life, opinion pieces on current affairs, media reviews. There’ll be new stuff too, because I’ve changed in the time I’ve been away.
It’s a kind of watch-this-space type scenario.
In the meantime, what are you waiting for? Start writing your list….(and feel free to share it below.)
P.s. It’s good to be back! x
If you’re new here, why not stay and look around? Here’s some of my most popular posts to get you started: