There are so many voices vying for our attention everyday- social media, blogs, 24 hours news; that it can be really hard to hear your own still, small voice. The voice that tells you who are you, encourages you to keep going, tells you you’re doing a good job even when you feel insignificant.
I think that’s why so many of us fall short of being true to ourselves and try and take bits of other people’s identity.
It’s easily done. Sign posts that make us feel life-envy are all around, and are heightened by the likes of Facebook and Instagram. As if we didn’t already know this, new research has found that Facebook can increase feelings of depression, stemming from envy. We see the amazing holidays, outfits, relationship success and instantly feel challenged: why doesn’t my life look that good?
Cue feelings of inadequacy and insignificance.
Here’s a newsflash: their life doesn’t look that good either. It’s simply self-presentation of the best bits of their lives.
And yet we all compare ourselves to our friends and many of us, in some inadvertent way, end up modelling ourselves on those we deem the most successful. Certainly Facebook and Instagram have fuelled that, but it’s an age-old practice.
Some peer support can be useful at times- we all need support and guidance. Role models are crucial in my opinion and not just for young people. I think we are constantly redefining ourselves as we enter different lifestages. What does it mean to be a newlywed? Or a new mum? Or recently divorced or recently bereaved? How about redundancy and a change of career, or moving to a new town or country? These are life events that many of us face and tackling our own identity in the midst of that can be bewildering and confusing.
But I’ll tell you what’s not cool, and that’s simply copying someone else. Sounds childish right? No one does past primary school. Well actually, everyone does it- to varying degrees anyway. We often aspire to others and that makes us want to imitate them- because we see something in them that we want for ourselves.
Let me tell you that that is unhealthy and it cannot be sustained. Sooner or later you’ll tire of trying to be someone or something that you’re not. You cannot be someone else because you are unique. However appealing the mum at the school gates is, with her hair and makeup intact and the perfect job and happy kids, you won’t be her. What’s more, there are struggles going on in her life that are not meant for you.
I think as women we are wired to compete with each other. From the earliest age we look to other girls and envy them. And do you know why we do that? Because ultimately we’re all trying to work out that big question “who am I?”
Identity is a difficult thing. What’s more, its ongoing. It’s never a question that is settled. Your identity is constantly going to change because you are constantly changing. And that’s ok. Just please don’t rip off someone else’s style. Be YOU. Be authentic. Only you can do that with style.